All For You

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: All For You
Artist: Starfield
Album: Starfield
Quote: "...see below..."
* * *

Wow, I'll be leaving for the Shanxi, China missions trip in a little over a week... hasn't really hit home yet but now I'm getting a tad nervous! Heheh. Mission prep is hitting high gear and things are starting to come together. I think Bonnie and I are working well together to prep the lesson plan for the kids. Turns out we'll be teaching 15 kids, around the Grade 6 level, and we'll be sleeping and dining with 'em throughout the week at camp. Curriculum is almost set and things-to-bring are being bought. Heheh, we're gonna have fun picking out the prizes for the kids... candy and various items, like these stuffed Pikachus that Bonnie found!

I've got all my miscellaneous stuff out of the way (ie. get cash, get travel visa, get shots, get insurance) so now it's just packing everything into a suitcase that fits the stupid airline weight limits. :P Looking forward to seeing the kids, seeing China, and meeting the people from Evergreen. Youch, gotta get crackin' on that Mandarin! After that... I'll be unemployed... a weird feeling and one I hope to remedy soon. Can't wait to start working, where I'll get paid to be stressed as opposed to paying to be stressed. :P heheh. Although it's relaxing for the moment, I don't feel right sitting around and not being productive or earning money or anything... So yeah, back from China, I'll need to hit that job search full-on. Wonder where I'll end up?

As for summer so far, with class (and my degree) finished and apart from missions trip prep, it's been quite a relaxing summer so far. Was able to play more b-ball this summer so far (which was one of my goals), catch up on movies I've been meaning to watch (or re-watch), and get together with friends and stuff. Oh yeah, jammed a bit with Frank last Sunday. He had all his audio equipment finally back and set up in his basement so he invited me over to test it out. Twas lotsa fun surprisingly, with only two guys jamming, as we tried various music styles and just played off each other. Always fun to make music with another musician that can just improvise and twas nice to get on the piano/keyboard again for a bit... something I haven't done in a while and don't get the chance to do very often any more. Shall hafta do that again sometime and maybe lay down some tracks or something. Hrm, with my free time, maybe I'll get back into my hobby of songwriting and mixing again... hrm, just need some inspiration and ideas. (and a working pedal for the keyboard :P) Heheh.

Ah... the art of letting go... no doubt, a continuous process that can't be accomplished within a week. Ah well, I have my good days and my bad ones... but sometimes, can't help it, but a feeling, a coincidence, a moment, a connection, a thought, a daydream, a song, or even someone else casually saying related stuff that just makes ya wonder and begin to doubt if I'm going down the right road, the path chosen for me... But I'm learning and accepting... just takes time, I guess. Hard sometimes, but what can ya do... just deal and have faith. We sang this song at H2O Fellowship the other night, led by Chung, and it kinda hit home for me... hrm, shall hafta lead this sometime. It actually works quite well in a worship setting, heheh, so thanks Chung. :)

* * *
Starfield: "All For You"

Verse 1:
Nothing compares to, life I have in You.
Nothing of this world satisfies,
So, I want to let go, I want to let You know
All that I have to give is Yours

Here I am, as gold to the fire
I will surrender to Your hand
To this place,
Lord, I have come ready for Your touch

Chorus:
It's all for You,
It's all for You,
I'm letting go,
I'm letting go.

Verse 2:
What is it in me, that hangs on for so long?
Why do I fight the tears that come?
I work so hard to, keep in control when,
All that I want is to let go

Chorus

Bridge:
I'll take this life,
And lay it down,
I'm letting go,
I'm letting go.
My hopes and dreams,
Here at Your feet,
I'm letting go,
I'm letting go.

And I am ready for Your life,
And I'm ready for You now.
* * *

Giving it up and letting go...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Surrender
Artist: Lincoln Brewster
Album: All To You (Live)
Quote: "...and I surrender all to You, all to You..."
* * *

Well... I can't say losing hope isn't a sad feeling... but despite hope lost, I am still not walking away empty-handed, which allows me to keep my head up and look back and smile. When I was so afraid I would lose everything, God showed mercy and blessed me with more than I could have hoped for given the circumstances... a strong friendship. I have not thrown out my hopes and dreams, but I've relinquished them to God and taken them out of my hands... which is always harder than it sounds. And so, now begins the process of letting go... not gonna be easy, but I know that in the end, even though I can't see the finish line, God will steer me to where He wants me to be and who He wants me to be with. I still believe that for years, God has placed in my mind and in my heart an outline of the person I'm waiting for... and that outline has only become clearer with time... the only thing that scares me right now and, I guess, disappoints me, is that the outline is filled with nothing but empty space now, instead of an image slowly fading into view. Ah well, back to square one and empty horizons, I guess. I've learned a lot from this experience... and I've also learned that I should really not allow things like this to consume my life, but live my life for the Lord and everything else will fall into place... This thing has been hitting me hard for the past month or two and I guess, hasn't really put me in the best of moods... guess I'm one of those people that have a hard time hiding my emotions. Heheh. But I know that being so self-absorbed doesn't please God and that I was dwelling on something that was not even within my control. This verse is resonating deeply within me right now:

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4

Finishing up school this week... one final exam this Thursday and I will be done my degree in B. Comm w/ Marketing honours. Hope I do well, heheh. Then begins the focus on missions trip preparations. Prepping for the missions trip to Shanxi has been interesting so far... heheh. We've tried to get our travel visas but that didn't quit work out... stupid passport photos cost a fortune... and the Chinese embassy looks like it cost a fortune cookie to build! :P Heheh. We've also gotten together to brainstorm games and activites for the kids, which was fun. I'll be teaching grade 7 & 8 kids with Bonnie while Karen and Carol will be taking on the grade 5 kids. I am still apprehensive about the language barrier because I really want to connect with the kids and horse around with 'em and such... but we'll see how it goes I guess. Still lots of prep to do with the curriculum and the program... but after my exam, I'm hoping to really focus on getting that together and maybe start learning Mandarin a bit. Yeeeech, I have a long ways to go!! But I'm definitely looking forward to it and excited about the potential for this missions trip. It'll be a totally new experience for me, and a totally new environment to live in. After I get back, it'll be a full-on dash to search for a full-time job... I still don't know where I'll be working but I sure hope I can get a decent job. My parents are saying I should get a government job in Ottawa... I'm hoping more for something more challenging, like a marketing job with a corporate brand name... something like Telus or Motorola perhaps, but I guess every new grad has to start somewhere. In H2O Fellowship, we're studying a book called Life Wide Open and in its opening chapters, looks at finding passions related to the spiritual life but also finding passions in the "secular" part of life. I just hope I can find a career path that I can be passionate about. Definitely looking for God's guidance on this matter... and praying hard about it.

On a side note, I think starting with David (the kid from Celebration that got baptised recently) and now with the Shanxi missions trip, I think God may be sparking in me a growing passion to perhaps expand my ministry options from just worship leading to some youth ministry. I was talking to Paul Racine today of perhaps looking into doing a little coaching for a youth basketball team. Paul was saying how much joy he gains from coaching many football teams and just the opportunities that arise from interacting with non-christian kids. I was thinking that perhaps I could help encourage kids in some way, using basketball as a common "language" that the kids can understand and identify with. I dunno, just a thought, but one I'd seriously consider if God is calling me into that field of ministry.

Alrighty, gotta study and make sure I don't bomb this final exam... :P Oh, I'll be glad when school's done and over with. Heheh.

Hoping for someday...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Calmer of the Storm
Artist: Downhere
Album: Downhere
Quote: "...see below..."
* * *

Verse 1:
When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
When the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair

Chorus:
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You're bringing me
Will change my life and bring You glory

There on the storm, I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There, may I be in Your arms eternally
I thank You, Lord
You are the calmer of the storm

Verse 2:
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed at the power of Your will
Cause I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget Your grace
And You say, "Peace, be still"

Bridge:
Oh, when the torment blows
The middle of the sea
May I never trust, never trust in me
Cause there in Your arms, I find no tragedy

Chorus 2:
There on the storm, I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is this ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm, teach me God, to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There, may I see all your love protecting me
I thank You Lord
You are the calmer of the storm
* * *