"...show me what this life is all about..."

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: This Is A Call
Artist: Thousand Foot Krutch
Album: Phenomenon
Quote: "[see below]"
* * *

This Is A Call
by Thousand Foot Krutch

Verse 1:
She fooled all of her friends,
Into thinking she’s so strong,
But she still sleeps with the light on,
And she acts like it’s all right on,
As she smiles again
And her mother lies there sick with cancer,
And her friends don’t understand her,
She’s a question without answers,
Who feels like falling apart

Pre-Chorus:
She knows, she’s so much more than worthless,
But she needs to find her purpose,
She wonders what she, did to deserve this and...

Chorus:
She’s calling out to You,
This is a call; this is a call out,
'Cause everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you
And I’m losing all control now,
And my hazard signs are all out,
I’m asking you, to show me what this life, is all about

Verse 2:
And he tells everyone a story,
Because he thinks his life is boring,
And he fights, so you won’t ignore him,
Because that’s his biggest fear
And he cries, but you’ll rarely see him do it,
And he loves, but he’s scared to use it,
So he hides behind the music,
Cause he likes it that way

Pre-Chorus:
And he knows, he‚s so much more than worthless,
He needs to find the surface,
'Cause he’s, starting to get nervous

Chorus:
He’s calling out to You,
This is a call, this is a call out,
Everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you
And I’m losing all control now,
And my hazard signs are all out,
I’m asking you, to show me what this life, is all about.

Bridge:
Have you ever felt this way before?
'Cause I don’t want to hide here anymore,
Take me to a place where nothing’s wrong, and,
Thanks for coming, shut the door.
And they say someone out there sees us,
Well if you’re real then save me Jesus,
'Cause I’ve been this way, for far too long,
I wasn’t meant, to feel alone

Chorus:
Now I’m calling out to You,
This is a call, this is a call out,
'Cause everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you
And I’m losing all control now,
And my hazard signs are all out,
I’m asking you, to show me what this life, is all about
show me what this life, is all about

***

Meh... sorta what I've been feeling lately... a little nostalgic and a little whimsical... wondering if I'm on the right path, both spiritually, in my academics/career path, and in my personal life.

Spiritually, I've been feeling stagnant just from the lack of leadership and enthusiasm at the church as well as our university group unable to get off the ground... I used to pour so much into worship leading because I was passionate about it... but lately, that passion hasn't been burning that hot... leading worship on Sundays has become more of a chore and it seems that no matter what we do or how hard we try, the congregation is still lifeless to enter worship. Maybe it's me... maybe it's us... spiritual nourishment has been quite meager, with my fellow christians off doing their own things... I miss the accountability, fellowship, and spiritual encouragement that I used to get from strong Christians in the past. I must say, however, that making the trip to CCCO for their college&career group on Fri was very refreshing and just what I needed... just being around other christians and around people fired up for God and fellowshipping with them... it really gave me a boost.. and they were very welcoming when I just dropped in out of nowhere. I hope to join them for their Alpha Course, which begins next week. Oh yeah, also got to have a talk with Pastor James as well, who I haven't seen in a long time. He's kinda been my unofficial spiritual mentor... so I'm always grateful for his stories, his lessons, and his words of wisdom. ...ah yes, and lesson learned from Steph: Starbucks' new Chantico drink is rather...err... bitter. Heheh.

In my career path, I'm still not sure if Business Marketing is what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life... although it does sound interesting. I still haven't found something that I'm really good at... I see my surrounding friends and old friends that I encounter on the bus and they all seem to have a sense of direction and a career goal that they're reaching. Me, I'm just trying to pass my classes and hopefully get a degree... not quite knowing where it'll lead me. People have told me they've travelled to places and done this and done that.... I've been in Ottawa this whole time going through my school routine. They ask me what I've been up to and I've got nothing to tell them...

...and of course, in my "personal life", the same old story repeats itself again... he dribbles, he hopes to hit the game-winning shot... but the game's already lost. Why do I always like the ones that either end up with some other guy or are already attached to some other guy. :P ...and the latest makes what?... the third? blah... not their fault, of course, but just..... blah to bad luck... Was sitting in class the other day feeling nostalgic about times I had with Kat and wondering if I'll ever find that kind of closeness again... As always, I know (and was reassured by Pastor James) to just leave it in God's hands... but sometimes, my mind just can't help but wander. Ah well.

Bah, ok, enough of this... gotta get some work done. Conquered Mount Heartattack today with Andrew (4-cheese poutine @ Zak's) and looking forward to gym night with CCCO's bunch on Fri. Stay positive... stay positive... :)

Happy New Year!

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: Getting Into You
Artist: Relient K
Album: Two Lefts Don't Make a Right
Quote: "I'm getting into You because You got to me in a way words can't describe. I'm getting into You because I've got to be, You're essential to survive. I'm going to love You with my life."
* * *

My annual Christmas trip to Toronto went quite well actually...better than I expected. I was able to drive most of the way to TO, being relieved by my dad before we hit the city of Toronto. We made it there in 3 3/4 hours, which I think is pretty good considering my dad was saying it'd take us 4 1/2. Heheh, yay for "efficient" driving. ;) My family and I stayed at the Radisson Hotel so we had plenty of freedom. We usually stay at my relative's house, which is real nice of them to offer their house, but they also sleep at like 9pm so... The hotel was quite nice and accomodated our usual activities in TO: eating & shopping. Toronto is the only place where I tend to have 3+ square meals per day... heheh. The hotel offered a free breakfast buffet every morning and a workout gym for us to work off all the food at night, which we hit every night. TO activities included: visiting my grandma, a couple of meals with the relatives in chinese restaurents, an excellent if extremely filling dinner at an all-you-can-order japanese restaurent which was very yummy (although I'm still not used to raw fish...prefer the cooked stuff), crazy Boxing Day shopping in the morning (picked up a few things at Futureshop, but nothing big), the customary Pac. Mall visit, watched Ocean's 12 in the cinema, and Market Mall grocery shopping. We spent the last two days of the trip in Oakville (1 1/2 hours away from TO) to visit the Harrimans, old church friends from Family B fellowship. We spent a couple of nights there with most of the family fellowship, which was nice but a little boring for me since the bunch consisted of either adults or kids... so my time was spent trying to understand/mingle with the adults and watching the kids play video games. Meh, but it was very relaxing so I can't complain.

On a side note, throughout the trip, I really enjoyed the company of my parents... whom I consider very lucky to have. We joke around, we laugh, we tease each other, we try to understand each other, and we talk to each other about stuff...many children don't have that. I'm very glad we have a healthy relationship and I thank God for my family every time I pray. I am truly blessed.

Arrived back in Ottawa on Wednesday late-afternoon. After a quick shower, headed over to Ivan's place for a party. Was great to see old faces again and catch up and talk to old friends. Got to see friends like Wayne, Denise, Ivan, Andy, Josh, Joyce, Dan, Nate, Karl, Karen, Jen, Kat, and of course, Sam. Too bad Steph and Pam weren't there though, would have liked to see Pam since she only recently go baptized and wanted to talk to Steph about her TO trip since she called me from there when I was in Oakville. Ah well. Oddly enough, the night was filled with fun games of poker and video gaming on Ivan's HUGE LCD tv. Wow, NBA Street on XBOX is really fun!...even though I suck at it. Heheh. Was good to see Sam again, if only for an evening. Unfortunately, when I went to TO, he came back from TO... and he's leaving the next morning. So yeah, a little bad timing, but what can ya do.

Thursday, went with Jen to visit old friend Louise, who's moving to Chicago. We ended up staying at Louise's for a brief lunch before seeing her off. *sigh* ...wow, so many people going places and seeing new things and living their own lives... and I'm still in Ottawa in the same house... hrm. Afternoon, Wayne came over for a little LAN gaming (CS) and at night, Andrew came over for a little more (NFS:U2) and just hanging out.

Friday (New Year's Eve), got up early to meet up with Andrew, Denise, and Karen for breakfast at Cora's. Haha, it would seem that only the boys would wake up in time for the breakfast meeting ... heheh... oh Karen and Denise... silly girls that sleep in... and through breakfast. ;) haha. Breakfast was nice, Cora's has quite a few nice menu items... if a bit pricey in my book. I only had a cup of coffee (ok, maybe two...or was it three?) and a cup of fresh fruit though, since I'm meeting the Bell High School bunch at 11am for brunch @ Rockin' Johnny's Diner. So after saying our goodbyes, went to pick up Kat (who was suprisingly awake, hehe ;)) for the brunch meeting. Ahhh... the old Bell H.S. bunch... very nice to see them all again. We all didn't seem to change much, even though we are all studying at various universities scattered across Canada. Ah... reminiscing about fun times in high school... our bunch had some good and memorable times. After breakfast, Aron and I happened to notice a rather hot-looking black brand-new 2005 Ford Mustang GT parked at a distance.... what a surprise it was when the Mustang pulled up next to us and Shannon's dad was at the wheel, picking up Shannon and her mom! After some excessive drooling and clamping my mouth shut, I confirmed with Shan about the New Year's Eve party at Megan's. Went home to scrape the ice off the driveway (so warm today!), catch a movie, and take a nap before heading over to Megan's place with Andrew and Karen for the New Year's Eve gathering with the Zoo Crew. To summarize: ...Lauren and Lawrence drunk = hours of entertainment... "kung-fu" fighting w/ Karen, beware the Drunken Cobra!... how the heck do you play Blackball anyway??... or Euchre for that matter?? ... and a very warm and soothing hot tub outside (yes, Sean, there actually WAS a hot tub :P) where conversations ranged from lesbian dreams to rum to lesbian dreams with Megan and back to rum...o-kaaaaaaay... oh Drunk Lauren... heheh. Went home at like 4am when the girls decided they were too tired and needed sleep. Happy New Year!

Today was a day of rest... heheh... and just some family time. Woke up late, at around 11, before talking to my mom a bit. Caught a few episodes of 24: Season 1 with my dad in the afternoon ... heheh, I got him hooked. In the evening, passed the time by starting to get organized for the new year by updating my datebook with the latest church and school schedules and catching up on a couple of episodes of Top Gear that I missed during exams... heheh... that show rocks! Can't believe it's Saturday already... school starts up again on Wednesday for me. Ah, don't the holidays just fly by?... :)