Petrie Island pics

Pics were taken from an afternoon of relaxed fun at Steph's place and nearby Petrie Island on a gorgeous Saturday. Steph's parents kindly invited this year's CCCO missions team to their place to hang out and have dinner. The gang consisted of Steph, her little sis Priscilla, Bonnie, Karen, Carmen, myself, and Chung joined us at the beach.

Beauty in the broken...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Unashamed
Artist: Starfield
Album: Beauty in the Broken
Quote: "...And I know I'm weak, I know I'm unworthy, to call upon Your name. But because of grace, because of Your mercy, I stand here unashamed..."
* * *

The remedy to keep my mind off of things bothering me and uplift my spirits? Be with friends and family. Guess I could call it a good week.

Saturday, went for Dim Sum with parentals in the afternoon and then went to Doug & Pauline's new house in the evening for a pot-luck. Their house is in a newly-developped area but was really nice. Heheh, I can picture living in a place like that someday... don't need anything huge, but just nice and homey. Heheh. Twas just a good time to hang out with fellowship people... mostly talking and playing Uno. Heheh.

Sunday, went to afternoon church service at CCCO. Pastor Cal made a reference in his sermon to The Shawshank Redemption and it got me thinking about a little thing like hope. I remember the Morgan Freeman character warning "Hope can be a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." and I've written that myself... but then I recall the Tim Robbins character saying in the closing scene, free and off in tropical paradise, "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.". I guess that's why the movie remains, to this day, my favourite all-time movie... it's a positive movie about the message that holding onto a little thing like hope, even in the direst circumstances, can free you in the end... like the poster over my bed says "Fear will hold you prisoner, hope will set you free."

Had lunch afterwards with some fellowship members at Mei Xim (mmm... curry beef brisket rice dish... so good). Bumped into Jen Ho there too, heheh. Had the Shanxi meeting where, thank goodness, we were more informed as to what we'd be doing over in China and given more logistics on how to do our job there. I think up until that point, a lot of us were very skeptical... but that meeting I think cleared up a lot of questions. We're all now getting excited about going there and working with the kids... we're also eager to start designing the curriculum and teaching materials. I'm excited! I also get to see China for the first time! Only a little over a month away though... kinda scary but a good scary. Heheh. Popped over to Chapters after the meeting with Bonnie & Steph... only to find out I really really REALLY suck at Mandarin. :P Evening was spent with the boys (Vanny & Andrew) and a little Counterstrike action. Oh man, I must be slippin'... I got rocked. Heheh.

Monday, got some studying done in the afternoon, had a big BBQ with family in the evening, then went over to Merlin's place to watch the exciting OT Dallas vs. San Antonio NBA game.

Wednesday, had worship team practise... after a Sunday off to recollect myself, back on the Celebration worship team again this week. Damn, Serena's getting good at guitar... pretty soon they won't need me at all, haha... she's getting a new guitar a the end of the week too, so that should be exciting for her. Scratchy & Denty's twin perhaps?... oh my.

Tomorrow, gonna try to get some studying done in the morning... stupid second test coming up next Thursday. I didn't do so well on the first so I HAVE to rock the second. Afternoon, hoping to take Steph out for fruit crepes at DuMarche in the Rideau Centre, along with Bonnie & Karen, to celebrate her finishing her thesis (woohoo, Steph!). After that, it's our first SPF night (Singspiration, Prayer & Fellowship...I think) at H2O Fellowship, so definitely looking forward to that. Been a while since I was part of a group that did spontaneous worship & prayer... should be exciting. :) Got my guitar back too! Heheh, oh how I missed you, Scratchy & Denty (ok, she definitely needs a new name now :P).

Life lessons learned...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: When the Tears Fall
Artist: Tim Hughes
Album: When Silence Falls
Quote: "When hope is lost, I call You Saviour. When pain surrounds, I call You Healer. When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart...and I will praise You. I will Praise You. When the tears fall, still I will sing to You..."
* * *

In 23 years, I've learned a lot...

I've learned that true friendships forged can overcome distance or a lack of interaction... and are always welcome when reunited...

I've learned that losing a good friendship is like losing a part of oneself...

I've learned that in a friend, loyalty, trust, and honesty are things not to be taken lightly, and should be treasured...

I've learned that you can read a lot about what a person is really feeling by looking into their eyes...

I've learned that certain memories and moments will stay with you forever... and rekindling them again is always a joy...

I've learned that you know you have it bad when you can't stop thinking about someone day and night, when you can't concentrate on work, and when walking in the rain almost seems like a welcome activity...

I've learned that caring about someone means placing their needs and their happiness above your own... I've learned that loving someone means you're willing to sacrifice things you hold dear, because you care so much...

I've learned that loving someone sometimes just isn't enough... and that having that love returned is perhaps one of life's most precious commodities and most rewarding finds...

I've learned that the only thing more painful than a break-up... is never getting the chance to realize a relationship you know could have amounted to something wonderful...

I've learned that in times of sadness, there is comfort in praying, playing music, listening to music, walking and driving aimlessly, and being with friends...

I've learned that in times of happiness, you want to share them with your closest friends...

I've learned that your family has seen you in the best of times and worst of times... yet still loves you the same...

I've learned that anger and frustration are the easier paths... but compassion and understanding are the ones less taken...

I've learned that time heals all wounds... but faded dreams and snuffed out hopes will always leave their scars...

I've learned that the act of letting go is not a one-day affair, but a long continuous process with its full share of ups and downs...

I've learned that life can be unfair... but God is never cruel...

I've learned that God's love is abundant and is working around us in big and small ways... even when we don't notice it...

I've learned that God's will may not always match up with our own and may not be fully understood... but God's will is purposeful and righteous...

I've learned there is peace in placing my life in His hands and submitting to His control...

I've learned that God's timing is always perfect... it is our own timing that is flawed...

I've learned that living a life for Christ is never an easy task and is an everyday process... but is fulfilling in the end because God is the only one who satisfies...

I've learned that if two people were "meant to be together"... God will not fail them and, in His timing and through His blessing, will reveal and confirm to them the wonderful story He has written for them...

In the meantime, life goes on...

Friends are friends forever...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Friends
Artist: Michael W. Smith
Album: The Second Decade
Quote: "...and friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them... and a friend will not say "never" 'cause the welcome will not end. Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends..."
* * *

And so ends a long couple of weeks...

The Celebration worship team got together a lot so that we could record a CD as a farewell gift to Ashley & Percy, the two unofficial leaders and founders of Celebration Church. This meant late nights and extra time spent in mixing and recording on my part in my "ghetto studio"... which I didn't mind at all since I wanted to give A&P the best possible, but twas definitely time-consuming, heheh. Photo shoot and design for the album cover/back was fun too, in appropriate "ghetto" fashion. Who needs a pro photographer when you've got stabilizer rocks? Heheh. I dunno, I guess I enjoy turning ideas and visions into reality. All the endless recording sessions culminated in a hot pot dinner we threw for them on Wednesday, where we presented to them the gift. I think it turned out well and they definitely appreciated it, which made me glad.



Friday, left for Celebration's Spring Retreat at a big house in Kempville. I vowed and prayed before I left that I'd be focused on God and on nothing else this weekend that would distract me... and I tried my best to uphold that, attempting to find quiet spots with my guitar where I could just meditate, pray, sing, worship, and just connect with God. With how I'm usually busy with something or anything on Sunday evenings services, I enjoy retreats such as these for the opportunities to get to know Celebration church members a bit better. I think I was able to do that a bit, and also got to talk to the new pastor, Jason, a bit. I think we hit it off with a little jamming on Shane & Shane music... hope it's a start. Sleeping on hardwood floors wasn't so pleasant, however, as I woke up a few times... was lying awake at like 6am debating going outside with my guitar for some personal sunrise worship by the stream... or even trying to find a quiet spot again... but it was still a little damp outside and I didn't want to disturb anyone so I decided to just go back to bed. Jason's Saturday morning talks on leadership this retreat had some relevance in my life for sure, and, strangely enough, touched on several of the questions I blogged about and that have been on my mind lately... As Jason stated, I guess I may just be in a state of "spiritual pruning", where God is breaking me down only so I can be stronger in my faith. He also spoke of how good leaders are also willing servants, using Jesus as an example, willing to wash the feet of his disciples, even Judas. So I guess, in the end, when Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for me with the biggest selfless act ever, why shouldn't I continue to take joy in serving others, especially if my goal is to be more like Him?

Saturday night, after a brief nap, went to Joel's for a steak & poker night. My goodness, I have never seen so much meat in one place in my life... heheh... got huge steaks from Farm Boy and grilled 'em up on the bbq. Oh...was...it...good. Heheh. Poker afterwards was fun too, staged a major comeback to get to the winner's table, only to then, appropriately, get cleaned out by Percy in his final poker night with the guys. Heheh.



Sunday marked Ashley & Percy's final service at Celebration. I haven't known them long since I've only been to Celebration for about half a year, but I could tell, as they shared, they've had a significant impact on the church these past 4 years. As a worship leader, I will especially miss the two of 'em, always eager to worship from the front row. Ashley's enthusiasm and energy are infectious and her conviction in her faith in Christ over what the world says has, I can tell, positively affected many people at Celebration. Again, although I haven't known either one of 'em that long, in Percy, I saw a person I looked up to... I've said to myself many times, "if ever there was an example of a young man after God's own heart and living 100% for the Lord, it'd be this guy"... I have yet to meet a young man more sincere, down-to-earth, and "real" than him. I'll miss him for sure. As they shared about what Celebration Church has meant to them over the years, I listened as they described the type of church I wanted to be a part of. It is truly a church about the people and about being focused on God. After painfully pondering the thought of leaving Celebration (even during one of my meditation times during the retreat) in order to preserve its unity (as Ashley said during the retreat), I knew that despite the inner conflicts I had, I had to continue to run the race for the ministry and for the church as a body. If ever there was a place I wanted to pour my heart into ministry and worship leading, this was the place. Celebration Church won't be the same without Ashley & Percy... but the one unchanging factor remains, God is there... and if the church stays Christ-centered as it has been for 4 years since its birth, I have no doubt in my mind that the church will continue to be blessed and will continue to flourish.

To Ashley & Percy, thanks for all you've done, your encouragement, and your inspiration. May God bless you as you enter a new chapter in your lives and in your ministry. We will not forget you.

Ramblings...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Frail
Artist: Jars of Clay
Album: Much Afraid
Quote: "If I was not so weak. If I was not so cold. If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old. I would be... frail."
* * *

Do nice guys finish last? What defines a nice guy, anyways? Is a "nice guy" a person who exemplifies kindness, generosity, and selflessness? Why do I take great joy and pride in serving others and being as generous as possible, yet get pissed off when I start to feel exploited? Why is that line so unclear? Am I delusional? Why did God give me a servant heart?

Why is there rain when the sun is overhead? Why do I always seem to be able to find sadness yet true happiness is so hard to find? What does true happiness feel like? Likewise, why do I always seem unlucky or get the short end of the stick? Is it in my head? When do I get my big break? Why do I suck at school so much? Why do I sometimes feel like everyone is passing by me so fast with their lives while I'm just standing still in mine? Why am I even asking these questions when I know I've been blessed beyond all reason?

Why do the little things people do matter so much to me, positively or negatively? Why does my mantra on "actions speaking louder than words" still ring so true? Why do I always feel like an underdog? Why am I always so eager to take the role of the martyr? Why do I always tend to place other people's happiness above my own? Why does that sometimes make me feel like sh*t, and yet I keep on doing it without thinking twice? Why do I sometimes feel like I'm always giving and giving yet not getting anything in return? Should I turn over a new leaf and start "looking out for #1"? I mean, you can't survive in business being a "nice guy", right? Again, is it all just in my head?

Why do I feel so alone sometimes? Why does it sometimes feel more comforting to be alone? Why does God seem so distant at times, yet so close at others? Why am I caught up and distraught so much over an unobtainable girl that I know I can't really offer her anything anyways? Why, in the back of my mind, am I kinda dreading going to this spring retreat? Why is a little thing like hope so dangerous? Why, despite all logical reason, is it still affecting me so much? Am I just crazy?

Why is it so hard to hear God's voice and direction sometimes? Why do some unanswered prayers frustrate me so much when I know I should simply trust in Him and His will? What is my purpose? Why was I created this way? What does it take to be a man of God? Why do I sometimes feel like a child?

Who am I? Where am I going? What's in store? When it's all said and done, what will be my legacy? Do nice guys always finish last?

So many questions, yet so few answers...

...roaming through the night to find my place in this world...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: Promise of a Lifetime
Artist: Kutless
Album: Hearts of the Innocent
Quote: "I have fallen to my knees as I sing a lullaby of pain. I’m feeling broken in my melody as I sing to help the tears go away. Then I remember the pledge you made to me. I know you’re always there to hear my every prayer inside I’m clinging to the promise of a lifetime. I hear the words you say to never walk away from me and leave behind. The promise of a lifetime..."
* * *

Arrghhh.... it just seems that the past couple of months, I've been constantly facing disappointments, rejection, and/or things not going as I had hoped or wished... I get my hopes up, hoping to get my break, I pray hard about it, but in the end, no dice... I guess life doesn't go according to plan sometimes... I'm still keeping my faith that God knows what he's doing and is still directing my life... but man, it can be frustrating sometimes as I search for answers and try to deal. Latest disappointment: I didn't get that marketing assistant internship with MD Funds as I hoped... so now I'm looking for a summer job while late in the race and my summer is now completely up in the air... if I do get a job for the summer, there's no telling if they'd be willing to let me take two weeks off in July for the missions trip to Shanxi.... grrr...I hate uncertainty... ah well, just gotta keep prayin'.

The art of losing myself, in bringing You praise...

*LISTENING TO:*
Song: From the Inside Out
Artist: Hillsong United
Album: United We Stand
Quote: "...see below..."
* * *

I dunno why, but this song has been resonating heavily in my life lately (at least for the past few weeks)... just something about it and certain lyrical lines in it that strike a chord within me... and I just can't help but play it over and over again... hope to lead it someday. :) To me, it just kinda recaps what God's been revealing to me and working through me lately... through struggles, I've learned to rely on Him more and more, learning to surrender control, trusting in "His will above all else", and constantly learning "the art of losing myself, in bringing You praise" in everything I do. In the end, when everything else fades away, His light shines brighter, and that is just so comforting to grasp. "In my heart and my soul, Lord, I give You control"... learning how to do that more and more every day. The song's lyrics can be found at the end of this post.

Exams are finally over with... hope I did ok. It's nice to relax a bit and do things I didn't have time for when studying, heheh, like watching the NBA playoffs! One more course, ending in June, and I'll be done my degree and, hopefully, done school for good. Good riddance... heheh, I don't consider myself the most "academically inclined", to put it lightly, and definitely don't consider myself "smart" to any extent... I prefer learning on-the-job and through experience. It's sometimes ego-deflating and humbling when I think about what all my friends are doing in pursuing their careers or education with fields they love and are passionate about... While I'm real happy for them, I sometimes wish I was in their position, so to speak... but I guess my time will come. I really enjoy marketing and feel I can make a positive contribution to a company... guess we'll see.

Speaking of experience, I'm hoping and praying for my internship this summer. Thursday, went on a second interview with MD Management for a marketing assistant summer internship position. Guess they narrowed the field and I made the first cut. A few reasons why I'm really hoping to get this job... and praying hard about it for God's will to be revealed if that's where He wants me to be this summer... 1) I'll get to apply what I recently learned regarding marketing and marketing research, which is so fulfilling as a student who's gone through so much school and has yet to apply the knowledge practically... 2) It'll be nice to have an income again, especially since I'm hoping to pay for my summer course and missions trip. My parents, as usual, are awesome and offered to pay for both without a second thought... but I really want to pay for it on my own. 3) During the interview, I mentioned to the interviewer my aspirations to go on the Shanxi missions trip in early July. They said that they should be pretty flexible with scheduling about that... so I guess I'm hoping to get the job since then, I can be assured that I can actually go on the missions trip. Applying for another internship, I have no idea if they'd let me go on leave for 2 weeks.

So yeah, praying hard about my summer, how it's gonna shape up, and where God wants me to be... and I know many close friends are praying for me too, which I am so grateful for and feel so blessed to have. The past few days, it's just been awesome catching up with friends, just hanging out with 'em, and finding some family time... during school and exam time, I tend to become a hermit crab and kinda stay isolated, heheh, so it was nice to see civilization again, other than the baristas at Zavida. :) Funny thing is that if everything goes according to how I'm hoping... meaning if I hypothetically get the internship and work throughout the summer, go on the missions trip in July, then continue working till September... come September, I'll be looking for a full-time job and looking to start my career. It's actually scary when I think about it sometimes... since I don't quite know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, or if I can even find a job at all... Ah well, in the meantime, I will continue to seek His direction and guidance in my life, and just have faith that God knows what's best for me and my purpose in His grand scheme of things. Life is short, and I just wanna get livin'.

~~~
Hillsong United: "From the Inside Out"
Written by Joel Houston

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Chorus:
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
~~~