Thanks, guys...

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "Savior"
Artist: Skillet
Album: Collide
Quote: "...there's nothing left to lose, there's nothing left to prove. Surrender your love, it's all you can do..."
* * *

Hey all, thanks for your words of encouragement...

Still got lots to do...

Coffee? Need that. Sleep? What's that?

long sigh.............

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "Phenomenon"
Artist: Thousand Foot Krutch
Album: Phenomenon
Quote: "...Roll! Open up your soul. Maybe lose control inside of this phenomenon. Just let yourself go and let everyone know you move to this phenomenon..."
* * *

What a frustrating day...... this Calculus midterm that I studied hard for and thought I did real well in... well, the mark I got was the complete opposite of what I thought I got...meaning my gpa has hit a new low and I might not be able to stay in my program.........again...... I so wanna punch my wall... I thought the harder you study, the better the marks you're supposed to get?.... am I missing something here?..... Missed my class this morning 'cause I left my bus pass on my desk...grrr..... Barely registered for my summer course (only two spots left when I did)... yes, I'm taking summer courses to catch up... meaning while everyone's off at work or at co-op jobs or travelling, I'll be trying to make up some course.........Now trying desperately to understand this Calculus for the third midterm tomorrow which I obviously hafta do at least decent in but I know I won't.... and not anticipating any sleep for tonight or tomorrow night 'cause of a stats assignment due the next day which I'm still trying to figure out.........If anyone's got some extra brain cells to spare, I could really use some... even one would help immensely......... [exasperated sigh]........ guess I'll get back to it....

little itty bitty me.... big, majestic Him...

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "Who Am I"
Artist: Casting Crowns
Album: Casting Crowns
Quote: "...not because of who I am, but because of what You've done... not because of what I've done, but because of who You are..."
* * *

When we ask, God delivers...

I was finally able to take in a 7:22 service... this one from a few weeks back: "Part 3: Finding & Embracing God's Purpose". I am so thankful for having this 7:22 service to minister to me... Oftentimes, I feel like my church really doesn't tailor to what I'm going through or issues that arise at my age group... one contributing factor is that we still don't have an english pastor. My church only started a university fellowship about a month ago. So for me, having a worship service tailored for college/university students and around that age group that speaks to me at my level is a blessing... heheh, even if I must experience this worship service via online streaming video (they're stationed in Atlanta). Not to mention, as a worship leader, it's a great worship resource for learning new songs and listening to the latest in modern worship from the Passion band. Gotta love their stuff... heheh.

A few posts back, I decided to voice (in writing) a common frustration that we're all probably facing: about how tough it is to discover what God's will for our lives is and if the current path we're on is the one He designated. Strange enough, the speaker (Louie Giglio) begins to speak about exactly what I was questioning.
Even as he recalls his life experiences as examples, they are strangely similar to what I'm struggling with right now. Funny how God works...

Here's my recap:

The speaker spoke about how God cares less about what I'm doing in my life, but cares more about who I am in my life. He cares less about my accomplishments, my job, school, what I'm doing... but more on who I am as a person.

1) God wants me to be connected with Him and to love Him.

Micah 6:8 - "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

The speaker uses the analogy of trying to find our way in an unfamiliar city. Would we rather God give us a map and directions?..... or would we rather Him guide us by the hand?

2) Who God wants me to be a person of character who looks just like Him.

Romans 8:28-29 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son..."

God wants to shape me into the character of God... something I can't do myself... and takes some work for the transformation to take place...

God wants to build my character with:
1) Eternity: An eternal perspective and motivation that guides us in everything I do.
2) Humility: "It's not my story, it's His story." Walking humbly with God... saying "You're God, I'm not. Thanks for letting me in on Your story."
3) Integrity: Doing what is right.
4) Responsibility: My response to my mistakes.
5) Service: Serving the people around me just as Jesus served.
6) Generosity: Has nothing to do with what I have, but has everything to do with my attitude towards what you have. It's not just about money.
7) Faithfulness: Being faithful and saying "God, shape me."

The speaker uses the analogy of Play-Doh... (yeah, that funky coloured stuff most of us played with as kids) and how it symbolizes our lives... it might be flattened, cracking, dried up, dirty, there could be other colours mixed into our own from making it pure... but it's not a question of what I'm going to do with it... but more a question of am I willing to place it into God's hands?...

Final answer? God wants me to BECOME a child of God first and foremost...to be devoted to Him and allow him to shape my life into His likeness... rather than focus on "what job will I be getting?" or "what will this degree bring me?"... but more focus on seeking Him and getting to know Him more. Allowing God to mould me.... placing life in his ever-capable hands... and the questions will fade away...

sooo out of shape...

Well with the gorgeous weather outside today, I finally got to go outside and play some b-ball. Andrew came over and it was nice to shoot some hoops and get some work done in the afternoon. Over the course of the winter, I felt sooo out of shape and so lathargic... I pretty much move from two positions over the course of the day: sleeping or sitting. Daily routine would be to wake up from a sleeping position, SIT in my car so I can SIT on the bus to get to class where I SIT through lectures...then maybe head over to a coffee shop to SIT and study... only to go home and SIT and do more schoolwork or do stuff on the computer... then it's back to bed for sleep-time. I'd go to the gym over the winter season but every time I tried, my back did not respond well to it. It was great to stretch out and do some physical activity...and be reminded why I like the game of basketball so much...though at the current time, I'm beyond terrible at it. Andrew probably got more of a workout than me by rebounding all my misses (and there were a LOT). :P I shall work on that over the summer...

With my group assignment done (yes!) this afternoon, I'm hoping to squeeze in a 7:22 showing sometime at night... I'll probably post my thoughts on that later in the evening. Between now and then, Andrew's back and study time has resumed... fun fun fun...

Denise:
Heya! Ya know what? it's funny but I DO remember that VBS song you mentioned!! I think it was called "Turn Back, Jonah" and when we did it for closing night... I somehow got roped into playing the Jonah role... with the nasal voice and everything... haha, that was funny. Hope you're enjoying your guitar! Thanks for commenting your thoughts! It's great hearing from ya. :)

Steph:
Heya, great hearing from ya! Thought you might appreciate the Now Playing portion that I try to include in my posts. :) Gotta love christian music, eh? Smitty's new concert DVD looks tempting.... hehe...
"Here fishy fishy fishy..... [GULP!]" ;)

Carol:
Yeah, I guess balance is the key eh? It's still tough though... plus it seems like soooo much time is poured into studies. heheh. Thanks for your thoughts, seeya Sunday! :)

...study study...

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "To the Ends of the Earth"
Artist: Hillsong - United
Album: To the Ends of the Earth
Writer: Marty Sampson
Quote: "...Jesus, I believe in You and I would go to the ends of the earth... to the ends of the earth for you alone are the Son of God and all the world will see that You are God... You are God..."
* * *

Just got back from studying at Karen's with Andrew, Shannon, and Lauren as well... been studying all day... studied all day and night yesterday too... heheh, hope I know this stuff come exam time. Heheh, the crew was going gaga for the movie, A Walk to Remember and we discovered an interesting fact: Lauren looks a lot like Mandy Moore in that movie. I dunno, I thought the movie was ok but a tad too sugar-coated and a little cheesy...but then again, most romantic-drama movies are... sad ending though. It does send a good message across though... that true love is selfless.

I did, however, recently see the movie School of Rock and I did enjoy that one. A great family movie that's fun and funny. Jack Black takes a little getting used to... but he actually works well in the title role in this film. The best part is watching the kids play their respective instruments in the band. Man, those kids can play... especially that electric guitarist... wow. I heard the kids made all the music themselves... impressive. Heheh, and gotta love the token chinese classical pianist guy with the glasses, hiked up pants, and chinese accent... hehe... and I can't believe they put a cape on him in the final finale performance... that was beyond silly-looking... heheh. But yeah, good movie, I'd definitely recommend it. [* * * - 3 stars]

...in the middle of the night...

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "Meant to Live"
Artist: Switchfoot
Album: The Beautiful Letdown
Writer: Jonathan Foreman
Quote: "...we were meant to live for so much more...have we lost ourselves?..."
* * *

What is God's will for my life? What is God's will for His life? What is God's will?

While studying and trying to understand this huge amount of material about business and management, I often wonder if this is God's purpose for my life. When looking back, I'm usually happiest and having the most fun when helping out or leading worship... jamming... making music... alongside fellow christians... That's where I carve a niche for myself and I guess some say I'm good at it... I'm passionate about it and spend a lot of time in thought about it... do background research to understand it better... Then I look at school and notice how much I am NOT good at it... how much I struggle... and how there is always the feeling of impending doom after taking an exam... no matter how hard I study or no matter how ready I felt going in...

The other day, I had to turn down Lyle Johnson yet again on an offer to lead worship with him and his team at the Metropolitan Bible Church. Lyle is a local worship leader and is heavily involved in ministry... I've met with him several times within and outside the church... he's a fabulous guy and a great mentor in the worship-leading department. It's been a privilege learning from him and conversing with him. This must be about the 4th time (over the course of several months) that he's asked me to be a part of his worship team to lead at the Met and I've had to turn him down each time.... why?... because of school. I've also been asked to be a pianist at the Worship&Prayer worship services at Bethel... but have had to turn them down as well due to school. Often times, I've had to step away from worship leading at OCASF due to the business of school... also due to the parentals not happy with me spending the time away from my studies. I know that this is the time for me to concentrate on my studies... I know that any form of worship leading function requires a lot of time committment in practises and preparation... But it's still so hard to say "no" to something I know I'd enjoy that much... It's so much more enjoyable and rewarding to study God's word rather than study Financial Accounting...

I know that God has shown me these doors and has given me these opportunities to expand myself as a worship leader... but is God tapping on my shoulder to show me my calling as a worship leader?... or is he closing those doors to saying that this is not the time, that this is not the direction I should take right now in my life, in His story... ? Am I holding myself back from taking the step forward and taking the risk?... or am I looking too far ahead into His story with wishful thinking and trying to write my own story?...

Graduating from this degree seems so far away... sometimes it even seems unattainable... but when it's all said and done, what will I be doing with my life? Will there be that sense of joy? Will I be good at it? Where is God leading me?... am I even following Him?...

woohoo!

*NOW PLAYING:*
Song: "Take My Life"
Artist: Passion
Album: Sacred Revolution
Writer: Chris Tomlin
Quote: "...here am I, all of me... take my life, it's all for thee..."
* * *

Wow! Didn't expect people to be leaving comments already, I only started this blog page up last night! That's so cool! To all those who have visited and who have dropped a comment, thanks so much and I appreciate the thoughts. Some of you, I haven't seen in a while so it was especially cool to hear from ya. :) Yay!

Hm... Managerial Accounting test tomorrow... guess I'll have to double-caffeinate tonight... heheh.

Big sale at Salem Storehouse coming up.... which is always bad news for my bank account. :P And by sheer coincidence, the new Hillsong: United CD (with bonus DVD) is coming out within the next week as well... hrm.... and the Michael W. Smith: 20 Years in Concert DVD is on sale too.... hrmm.... tempting...

My mom asked me to record a bunch of children songs from tape onto a CD for the upcoming 40 Day Purpose Driven Life campaign our church is doing... listening to some of these kids' songs brings back old memories of when we used to do Vacation Bible School for our church.... those were fun times... our church hasn't had VBS for years... I wonder when it'll return. I'd love to see our church's youth be involved in something like that. I know it was a great experience for me.

Off to do some hard-core studying, with my faithful coffee mug at my side... boy I hope I get through this semestre... it's not looking good at this point... :P

...mmm...coffee now?

Ah.... Zavidas coffee shop... my study home away from home... well that and Starbucks, Rideau Centre. You know you've been there too often when you know exactly how much to pay for a medium coffee... ($1.66). Today, the flavour was Caramel Royale. mmmm...

*Now Playing:*
Song: "O Worship the King"
Artist: Passion
Album: Hymns - Ancient & Modern
Writer: Robert Grant; arranged by Chris Tomlin
* * *

I recently picked up this worship CD by Passion called Hymns: Ancient & Modern and I absolutely love it! Over the past few years, I've been striving to lead the latest and the "coolest" worship songs out there... but it's great to dwell in the roots of today's worship music. While reading through some of the lyrics in these hymns, the poetry and the expression of those lyrics really hit me. With this CD, what's awesome is that the classic hymns retain their amazing lyrics... with a few new choruses thrown in... but have the modern worship sound from the Passion Band. As Passion founder Louie Giglio said, "...adding new skin to the old hymns...". What Louie also said was how amazing it is that we can worship God with songs written hundreds of years ago alongside songs written only a few months ago... worship has been around that long and people of the earth have been worshipping our Lord in music and in song for so many years. It blows my mind... and just think that the popular worship songs we're singing today will become "ancient hymns" to the next generation of worshippers.

The other day, I had a discussion about modern worship music with my university fellowship and the point arose where some of today's worship songs are a little too.... simplistic... superficial... After listening to these hymns and appreciating the amazing lyrics they provide, I sometimes tend to agree. Sometimes, I feel modern worship emphasizes catchy lyrics and catchy tunes but sometimes at the expense of depth and resonance. I find that the million praise songs written each year around the world sometimes seemed derived from a cookie-cutter formula... to the point where certain phrases seem overused. I know that the lyrics are just a medium for us to focus our worship upward to God, but sometimes I wonder... God gave us this amazing gift of music, the amazing creativity to write praises to offer back up to him, and the language and dialect to express ourselves... and we can only come up with the same phrases over and over? ... I dunno...maybe I'm just looking too much into it. When leading worship to my church on Sunday mornings to a congregation that consists mainly of youth, children, and young adults, I wonder if they understand what they're singing. One time, we were leading the song "Trading My Sorrows" by Darrell Evans, with a very catchy but simple chorus of "Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord..."... and the guest speaker brought up a notable point... he asked us if we knew what were saying/singing "Yes" to.

I think it's important for us to understand the significance of what we're singing... because we're offering up praises to the Lord. If a church is not aware of the worship they are lifting up, then Sunday morning simply becomes a weekly sing-a-long or a karaoke event. As a worship leader, this thought has challenged me to understand fully any praise songs I lead before leading them... to see where they're coming from, and to see where the writer was directing us. God calls on us to worship him every moment... but with all our hearts... and I want to send direct, clear messages up to God saying "I Love You".... "You are Holy"... "Hallelujah"... that come straight from my heart, through my voice... because they are sincere words of praise and worship.

Hey all.... guess this is my first time writing in a blog... this could get interesting...