Ramblings...
*LISTENING TO:*Song: Frail
Artist: Jars of Clay
Album: Much Afraid
Quote: "If I was not so weak. If I was not so cold. If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old. I would be... frail."
* * *
Do nice guys finish last? What defines a nice guy, anyways? Is a "nice guy" a person who exemplifies kindness, generosity, and selflessness? Why do I take great joy and pride in serving others and being as generous as possible, yet get pissed off when I start to feel exploited? Why is that line so unclear? Am I delusional? Why did God give me a servant heart?
Why is there rain when the sun is overhead? Why do I always seem to be able to find sadness yet true happiness is so hard to find? What does true happiness feel like? Likewise, why do I always seem unlucky or get the short end of the stick? Is it in my head? When do I get my big break? Why do I suck at school so much? Why do I sometimes feel like everyone is passing by me so fast with their lives while I'm just standing still in mine? Why am I even asking these questions when I know I've been blessed beyond all reason?
Why do the little things people do matter so much to me, positively or negatively? Why does my mantra on "actions speaking louder than words" still ring so true? Why do I always feel like an underdog? Why am I always so eager to take the role of the martyr? Why do I always tend to place other people's happiness above my own? Why does that sometimes make me feel like sh*t, and yet I keep on doing it without thinking twice? Why do I sometimes feel like I'm always giving and giving yet not getting anything in return? Should I turn over a new leaf and start "looking out for #1"? I mean, you can't survive in business being a "nice guy", right? Again, is it all just in my head?
Why do I feel so alone sometimes? Why does it sometimes feel more comforting to be alone? Why does God seem so distant at times, yet so close at others? Why am I caught up and distraught so much over an unobtainable girl that I know I can't really offer her anything anyways? Why, in the back of my mind, am I kinda dreading going to this spring retreat? Why is a little thing like hope so dangerous? Why, despite all logical reason, is it still affecting me so much? Am I just crazy?
Why is it so hard to hear God's voice and direction sometimes? Why do some unanswered prayers frustrate me so much when I know I should simply trust in Him and His will? What is my purpose? Why was I created this way? What does it take to be a man of God? Why do I sometimes feel like a child?
Who am I? Where am I going? What's in store? When it's all said and done, what will be my legacy? Do nice guys always finish last?
So many questions, yet so few answers...
8 Comments:
Hey Tim,
Just wanted to say you're not the only one who feels this way. Big hugs,
Shan
Oo! And also -
You have SO much to offer the lucky girl you WILL eventually end up settling down with. Whether or not you can always admit it - you are:
1) An amazing, thoughtful, dear friend
2) Who has great taste in coffee ;)
3) And not to mention always bring great conversations
4) Patient and kindhearted
5) Fun AND hard working
And I will be sure to tell you every time the ZC gets chill time! (You can't escape it! ;) Muahaha!)
Finding the balance between doing things for others(because it's important to you, and because you enjoy doing it) and looking after yourself so burnout doesn't creep up and rear its not-so-beautiful head can be a tough, and sometimes long process. Please don't beat yourself up in the meantime, ok? We all love you, just the way you are :) And if you ever need to chat, you know the numbers :) (Or we might just come down and kidnap you ;) .. it can be done! Nyah!)
Tim,
Whenever I forget how lucky we all are - I like to get out and look at all the little things that are so incredible. Like a leaf on a tree. When you compare anything in life to that, your problems tend to disappear. When you focus on something that brings you down, you can make it worse. There are so many little things in life and on Earth. When you think about them all, you can't help but smile - and smile all the time!
And if this about a girl... Here's the truth: most girls are dumb and are initially attracted to 'bad boys'. Not sure why. As girls get older and more mature, they gradually switch to choosing "nice" guys - people who they see a long-term relationship with.
If you're doubting your decision to be a nice guy, don't. Don't change!! Nice guys are too few and too far between - and girls will be lining up at your door any day!
I mean, you're TIM LAU!! *noise of insane fans*
And school? Doesn't matter half as much as people say. Not in LIFE.
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=6911246
Check this out - science agrees!
Nice guys, (the type who LIKE kids), do the best!
kindness, generosity, selflessness, placing other people's happiness above one's own, and a servant heart are all things that this world needs and cries out for. but I agree that sometimes it does feel more comforting to be alone. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. don't change! it's really hard to know why things are the way they are, especially when it seems like everything is going wrong...but remember God is in control and with His help, the nice guys do finish first in the long run!
Hi Tim, I can't say how many times I've thought so many of those things myself. I'd like to differ with the idea that nice guys can't survive in business. I think there are different kinds of "nice guys", reasonable guys and doormats among them, and I think most people like working with reasonable guys. That being said, don't change! A reasonable nice guy like you is far better than a doormat, or, uh...an unnice guy (heh heh). Any girl worthy of you could tell you that, and don't you forget it.
Tim, when I think about all the unanswered questions and struggles, I'm brought back to this verse: Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." The hope is that God is working things out for your good, to bless you and give you life abundantly even when situations look bleak and the pathway for your life seems hidden and beyond grasp. Just remember that many many people are blessed by who you are and your acts of kindness,generosity and selflessness. These are valuable qualities that I pray will never change about you. I am excited to see what God has in store for you life, and I'm convinced that it'll be even better than you could ever imagine.
Wow. Thank you for commenting, all. I have taken each one to heart.
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